MiM - Lesson 7

Man in the Mirror (p. 191-231)

Chapter 13
Decisions

We studied some of what the bible had to say about money last week as a stewardship responsibility. This week we look at time. Many of the principles are the same for stewardship of our time.

In the context of prostitution, Paul tells the Corinthian Church that they were not their own and that they were bought with a price (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). The attitude that we are masters of our service to God runs deep. For the Corinthians it ran so deep that they believed that they could take part of their life and visit a prostitute. Paul had to remind them that their bodies were the temple of the Holy Spirit and that they didn’t own themselves. Likewise, if you are a believer, you do not own your time or life. Generally this is a source of praise in our lives. Most Sunday mornings we can praise God for (as our memory verse from last week says) delivering us and atoning for our sins. We praise God for his promise from Jeremiah 29 that “We will seek Him and find Him” … at least most of the “time”. The problem is that He is Lord. We could breathe easier if He was Lord of 9:30 to 12:00 on Sunday. We might even give Him Sunday night and Wednesday if He serves supper. However, He just says that He is Lord and leaves it at that without any constraints. He is Lord of every moment of every day and you are not to act in any way that brings grief to the Holy Sprit in you. This is a challenge to practice the presence of God in our lives.

I like Morley’s identification of the core problem we have. Under the title “The Problem” he simply says, “We all do exactly what we decide to do” and that is the key. One of the guys I work with has a quote by Brian Tracy in his signature on his emails that says, “"It is not what you say or hope or wish or intend but only what you do that counts. Your choices tell you unerringly who you really are." Brian Tracy is a consultant and sort of motivational speaker and sales guru. I don’t think it is quite that simple because we are often distracted from our values and fail to listen to God in the decision making process. I suppose you could say that simply means we are distracted people and therefore the statement stands but that seems a little contrived and we’ll spend more time on this topic a little later.

When we make bad decisions we may recognize them as bad decisions. By “bad decisions” I mean decisions that don’t represent our values and goals. I think that is what Morley is getting out when he quotes Zbigniew Brzezinski who said, “Seen from the outside, decisions may seem clear and concisely formulated … but one learns that much of what happens … is the product of chaotic conditions and a great deal of personal struggle and ambiguity.” Jonathan Edwards said, “We always choose according to our strongest inclination at the moment”. So how do we order our lives so that in our moments we glorify God and avoid bringing grief to the Holy Spirit?

Morley first divides our important decisions into those that are primarily priority oriented and those that are primarily morality oriented. How we spend weekends will reflect priorities while avoiding sin, for example mental or physical adultery, is a moral decision.

As an example of decision making … Morley uses Jesus when He was tempted to make wrong decisions in the wilderness. In the temptation to avoid God’s will in His life and make stones into bread (to bail out of the trial) Jesus uses principle number 1 of effective decision making. He lived by the Word of God.

The second principle was applied when Jesus was tempted to throw Himself off the roof of the temple. The second principle is that we do not put God to a test by placing ourselves in a situation from which only He can save us. Following God into the Valley of the Shadow of Death is a good idea. Running into the Valley of the Shadow of Death and seeing if God will bail you out is NOT a good idea. Don’t put God to the test.

In the third test satan tempted Jesus to worship him in order to achieve control of all the earth. Thinking we can do good things by serving evil is dangerous but seductive. Jesus could have avoided the cross. The temptation to do what God has called you to do in a way He has not called you to do it is tempting. But that is all it is; it is tempting but not God’s will. I had a friend years ago who would always listen for the words “that is tempting” or “I’m tempted to …” and like clockwork when he heard those words he’d stop the conversation and say, “Well then it can’t be God’s will because He doesn’t tempt anyone”. Sometimes it was annoying – like when I was trying to decide what to have for lunch – but he was right and it is a fundamental principle of decision making. Morley lists it as number three. We should always worship God and serve Him only in our decisions.

All of our decisions have consequences. Moral decisions and priority decisions all have impacts on our lives and our ministries. Our service to God, our service to our family, our service to the Body of Christ, and our secular work all are interrelated and require us to consider all facets of our life in making decisions. We live with consequences. Forgiveness doesn’t take all the consequences away. We may want to back up and do it all over but real life doesn’t work like that. We move forward under God’s leadership from where we are through the consequences.

If you make bad decisions, or when you make bad decisions, then you must not abandon good decision making principles. There is a tendency to focus on the error and stop making good decisions. In sports, when someone who does something really dumb we may see their performance drop as they “get rattled” or “choke”. In our walk with God, the worst thing we can do when we blow it is to lose focus on God. Remember these principles:
1) Live your life according to the Word of God,
2) Don’t make decisions that test God, follow Him anywhere but don’t “dare” Him over anything, and
3) Guard the place of worship and service to God in your life.


Chapter 14
Priorities

The problem identified here is that most men haven’t established priorities and when we do we often don’t live according to those priorities. If we are going to live according to biblical principles then:
1) What does God want me to be and to do?
2) How does God want me to use my time and my money?
3) What character and conduct traits does God desire in me?
4) What relationships and tasks does God want me to emphasize?

These are important questions for us each to answer. We really fundamentally need to develop and implement biblical answers so that the place of the right answer for each of us isn’t taken by a default answer.

Love God
Relationship with God is to be our top priority. When Jesus was asked about the most important Scripture (Matthew 22:36-37) He quoted from Deuteronomy 6:4 and emphasized that our relationship with God was to be most important in our lives.

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:4-9 (ESV)

We implement this relationship through bible study, prayer, worship, and sharing our resources. A faithful Jew was expected to recite the Shema (these verses from Deuteronomy) at sunrise and sundown. I think we would do well to refocus each day on our primary orders from God.

Love Others
As Jesus went on to share, loving our neighbor’s as ourselves is our second charge. Our lives should be ordered around these two commands. Most people don’t prioritize around these commands and if you do then you’ll find it is an uphill battle to keep focused on these commands.

Rest
We need to be active and we need to rest. If we aren’t active in doing the things God has for us then we’ll be tired and burned out but rest doesn’t come or at least doesn’t seem to restore us. David’s problems with Bathsheba came from not being active when he was supposed to be and hanging around tired and bored. Rest from activity is God given and blessed. Burn out is a gift from God to His children who won’t listen when He says to come away for while and rest.

Work and “Good Works”
God blesses us with our vocation as we mentioned in an earlier lesson and provides additional works for us. Rest prepares us and energizes us for these works. If we are experiencing burn out then we are out of balance and need to seek God. You don’t really want to work at things that God hasn’t called you to but to be called by God will enable you. For example, Morley identifies evangelism, disciplemaking, and caring for the poor and needy as works that we’ll each be called to do. The wonderful thing is how creative God is in using us for these purposes. We’ll each have unique works. This enabling is what Paul had and why he could do what God called him to do even if it was death in a Roman prison.

Morley lists our love of God, our love of others, to rest, to work, and to do good works as fundamental callings in the lives of men. We have a Father who will lead us and focus us in these areas but we need to pay attention.


Chapter 15
Time Management

I appreciate his story about Dr. Bright’s ability to value the individual. I think Morley had the key when he said that he had no idea that when Dr. Bright said he prioritized his life based on the Great Commission that he meant one person at a time. If we reflect on the live of Jesus we see the same thing. He didn’t discount his work with the disciples so that he could address the big crowds. He stopped for the individual when led to do so.

As we manage our time we need to avoid generalizations about how we relate to others. The leading of the Holy Spirit is a key element of making sure you don’t ignore individuals and that you’re available for God. As Morley says, “God always provides enough time to accomplish God’s plans.”

The cycle presented on page 221 sounds sort of familiar.
1) I tell God what I’m going to do,
2) God responds,
3) I beg Got to let me do it anyway,
4) Finally I humble myself and listen, and
5) God tells me what He is going to do.

Obviously the smartest thing you could do in time management is skip to 4. In prayer we need to place a decision before God in submission to Him. Can you really say that you want God’s direction no matter what it is? Are your circumstances indicating that God may be directing your life? God is able to speak and direct and He is merciful and gracious to do so. It isn’t even hard for Him to do.

We really do need to translate these practices to our daily life and our work life. Balance comes from that primary relationship to God and to people. You can fight against Command 1 and Command 2 but you will not find a pleasant solution apart from loving God with all you are and your neighbor has yourself.

Love lasting things lastingly and passing things passingly. God and people last forever and the rest is temporary. We’ll be together in Glory some day but not with our things. As we seek God we can keep our priorities right and work at the right job and do it right. Our good works need to be works that God directs, done when He wants them done, done the way He wants, and with no thought from us but for His glory.

MiM - Lesson 6

Man in the Mirror (p. 163-188)

Chapter 11
Money: A Biblical Point of View

Money and possessions are a key part of our society. Generally, to lack money and possessions in our society is to be judged as inferior. Sometimes the judgment is overt and sometimes it is subtle. If, for instance, someone attempts to build a trailer park near a “nice” development sparks fly. Those in the development make the point that they don’t have a problem with the people but the house prices will drop and it is the most important investment they have. In effect, they are saying that they are not judging those who need cheap housing they are simply protecting their investment in a society that judges those who need cheap housing. You know some people need cheap housing.

We compete as a society so those who compete well are generally rewarded and those who don’t are not rewarded. I’ve been really poor while working like a dog. I’ve been without a penny after checking all drawers, nooks and crannies. I’ve lived in a trailer and I’ve been treated badly by banks and insurance companies. Sometimes I wasn’t even aware that I was being treated any differently. Now the banks and insurance companies are very nice to me.

Scripture doesn’t call us to be necessarily brilliant money managers but it does have many instructions on our attitudes and handling of money and possessions. We are clearly expected to be competent money managers and to avoid the snare that money and possessions can bring.

I think Morley is right in that we tend to subset scriptures that speak about money if we think of it as any of God’s business at all. Morley begins with Jesus’ statement in Matthew 6:24 but I’d like for us to look at the scriptures that precede it too. The passage below includes verses 19 through 24.

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full
of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness! “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money. (ESV Mt 6:19-24)

Often we see the statement of Jesus that the eye is the lamp of the body separated and discussed as if the topic changed from material possessions to lust and then back to money. I don’t think Jesus was jumping topics and men are such visual creatures that the reference to the eye is a good thing to “focus” on (pun intended). Our eyes lead us astray from what God intends when we keep our eye on earthly treasures. If you treasure something then you focus on it and love to gaze at it. Where are your eyes? They will turn naturally to your master.

Morley makes a good point about Jesus statement about serving two masters. He doesn’t say “you should not” or “you must not” He simply says that you cannot serve God and money. It is impossible and therefore something to guard our hearts against daily. This is the thorns in the parable that chokes out the good seed sowed by God. God must be master of our money or we’ll find money is our master. If we are sloppy in our walk with God then it can become like a drug. And it is a testimony of our character for good or bad in our checkbooks.

Morley handles three generalizations of theological perspectives of prosperity (Page 171). He classifies most theological presentations of biblical teaching on money into poverty theology, stewardship theology, and prosperity theology. These are all pretty familiar to me frankly. I grew up a bit in the Lord in the western US during the revival in the 70s and poverty theology had a bit of play with the Jesus Freaks. However, most of the people who were pro-poverty didn’t work hard and donate to the needy. That attitude didn’t really give the theology very strong legs. The hypocrisy of someone who didn’t work (in spite of Biblical instruction to do so), criticized others for having “stuff”, and spent any money they could beg or borrow (presumably to maintain their vow of poverty) was so evident that it didn’t attract many followers. Even the claimed humility of poverty is pretty often swallowed up in pride of being poor as a spiritual discipline.

Prosperity theology has a much better play for the average soul. In this theology, if you don’t have “stuff” then you must not be asking or you are in sin. Often, as Morley found out, there is a teaching that you tithe for what you want as an income. You can’t buy God and trying to manipulate God is a bad idea.

The positive solution that pulls Scripture as a whole together is what Morley refers to as stewardship theology. Stewardship is fundamental to our lives in many ways. Stewardship is God’s charge to us with all of our resources and it is a key to financial management. A steward doesn’t possess. As stewards we are managers of what God possesses. God entrusts each of us with varied portions according to His will and it is a privilege to function as a steward and not a right. As we approach money management we want God to guide us so that we’ll have prudence in administering His resources. Prudence is the timely application of knowledge and wisdom and we want to be faithful to do His will as a caretaker of things that are ultimately His.

Chapter 12
The Four Pillars of Financial Strength

The four pillars are simply practices that we as stewards need to adopt to be faithful in what God has called us to do.

Earnings: Little by Little
Quick money is certainly a strong attractor. The promise of quick money can cause serious mistakes. Some sit still and will not pursue a long slow process of making money. Others will try schemes to get rich in a hurry and lose money in the process. Gambling doesn’t just occur in Casinos.

Saving: Little by Little
Compound interest over a 30 or 40 year span is an amazing thing. Even over a decade it is impressive. Our liquid cash makes it possible to respond to emergencies as God leads in our lives and in the lives of others.

The Nest Egg Principle
This is the long term savings program to make sure that you’ll have sufficient to pursue those things that God calls you to when you get older. God can use these funds to expand your ministry as you get older.

Sharing: Where to Store Your Money
Morley’s family set a standard of living that they were comfortable at and then got rid of the money above short-term and long-term savings. This giving should be in secret and done cheerfully. God does call some to sacrificial giving. It is a gift and generally we will not know who has been called in that way.

Morley spends some time discussing debt. Our society makes it easy to use debt to pretend for a while that we are wealthier than we really are. However, at some point, it catches up. I remember back in the 80s when there was an economic downturn in agriculture and the farmers (who had been encouraged by the government to expand rapidly) found that their capital debt overtook them and many were losing their family farms. North Carolina had a group in the extension service to try to keep them from committing suicide. When I first moved here I remember hearing a presentation from one of the local organizations in which they described their program in which they loaned money to kids so they could buy an animal for a project and then learn to pay back a loan. Even in the late nineties I just had a really bad feeling about teaching debt as a way of life. I’m not saying that the Amish have it all figured out but they don’t like debt and avoid it. In our lives, debt takes away freedom as we “service our debt”. Even worse than on a farm, we tend to take on debt without any compelling reason to do so. We need to learn to handle debt like snakes. Like snakes, only pick it up when you really need to pick it up, when you pick it up be sure you know where the biting parts are, and put it down and get away from it as soon as you can.

MiM - Lesson 5

Man in the Mirror (p. 129-160)

Chapter 9
Wives: How to Be Happily Married

Morley begins Chapter 9 with a quote from Martin Luther who said, “Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.” That is a remarkably sensible statement from a man who, as Lewis told us, passed gas at the devil.

The problem in most marriages identified by Morley is a fundamental lack of communication. I’m surprised that Morley didn’t identify the surpassing skill in pressing each others buttons as another key problem. The communication is sometimes poor as a result of exhaustion in pressing each others buttons and dealing with the resulting strife. In any case the problem is the same since you have 2 people who must communicate and will naturally have different views.

It is odd the Morley quotes Freud whose interaction with women would generously be called malpractice. Freud suffered from misogyny or hatred of women in a way the affected him deeply. I guess I’d like to leave even Freud’s ignorance out of the discussion.

Our need for respect as men can drive us to attempt to obtain it by force. Deference obtained by force can feed our sin nature but not our redeemed nature. There is no satisfaction for our redeemed nature when a wife defers to us because we bullied our way to that point and this principle holds even beyond the husband-wife relationship. When we, WHEN I, feel satisfaction that I’ve won and my wife will do what I want because of force (either psychological or physical) then we (I) need to realize that satisfaction is of my sin nature and not my redeemed nature. If I’m paying attention then the Holy Spirit will let me know that.

Friday was Ground Hog Day and, as is our custom, Pat and I watched “Ground Hog Day” again. If you are not familiar with the movie the lead character (played by Bill Murray) is stuck in the same day (Ground Hog Day) over and over as a weatherman covering the ground hog celebration in Punxsutawney Pennsylvania. It isn’t clear exactly how long he spends reliving Ground Hog Day but it would be hundreds of days at least. Bill Murray’s character moves from a self centered wretch to a person who serves. Not quickly or without pain but he moves. He also moves from being despised by the female lead in the movie to someone who is so respected that she buys him at a charity auction so she can spend time with him. Each day the clock radio starts with the Sonny and Cher singing what God would say to him “Put your little hand in mine there ain’t no hill or mountain we can’t climb. I got you babe.” It might be a good school for us if God would do that for us and stick us in a day circling Mt. Zion until learned our lessons. But like the Israelites we can spend a lifetime in an 8 day journey.

We do crave respect from our wives and it can be withheld in attempts to manipulate behavior. It isn’t fair or right or even ultimately rewarding for a woman to do that but they have sin natures too (Ephesians 5:33). Men must find their security in God and walk out in our lives what can be a very difficult process as strengthened and led by the Holy Spirit. Our wives are called upon by God to let us lead. We need to lead with their respect. Our call is to live as a servant leader in our home. I think we find a tremendous peace when we realize that we only need to be a servant leader and not a police force. What I mean is that we are free from policing our wives fidelity to scripture. We are not free from encouraging it and facilitating it and modeling it. We are free from policing or enforcing it. That is freedom. If you think you have to enforce your wife’s fidelity to scripture so that she'll allow you to lead then you’re going to have years of frustration. If you let it be God’s problem (as much as possible) then you’ll be less frustrated and your wife will be free to grow in Grace.

Morley takes us back to Agape love in his discussion on page 133. He stresses the importance of the volitional aspects of Agape rather than the emotional aspects. Agape love is volitional or driven by our wills. As Morley states, “Biblical love is a decision and not a feeling.” This isn’t said to belittle the place of feelings but simply to put the emphasis where it needs to be so that you can walk in the way God calls you to walk. The world has come to the point in which, “well we fell out of love” is a sensible reason to end a marriage when they took an oath to be married “till death do us part”. I think the real reason most people still say “till death do us part” is because it sounds more romantic than “as long as I feel like it”.

Morley uses Ephesians 5:22-25 to develop 4 boxes describing various marriages with wives either submitting or resisting and husbands either loving or hating. Loving and submitting is the Ozzie and Harriet marriage while hating and resisting are the Ewings from Dallas. Hating and submitting are the Bunkers from All in the Family and loving and resisting are the Lockhorns of the comic pages. His cultural references are pretty dated but the points are good. I think the secret is to walk the walk that God has called you too and the Holy Spirit has enabled you for as a servant leader. Then you’ll naturally pray for your wife and as God works in her life and the Holy Spirit enables her then she’ll respect your leadership. That being said, the details are generally messy and we would still benefit from 1000 Ground Hog Days.

Although self centeredness is the root problem … Morley identifies sex, money, and communication as key manifestations of our selfishness. Sex is a presumed to be as essential as food in our society. Men and women approach it differently and you would do well to pay attention to how your wife approaches it. The opposite is also true but I’m speaking to men. Money is also a fundamental source of marital stress and self shows up here in different objectives and values. Communication is an issue unto itself and also is fundamental to the problems that look like sex and money problems. If men can look for “tells” in opponents at a poker game then they can look for “tells” that they are ticking their wife off and/or provoking their children to anger. We claim inability when, in fact, it is simply a lack of inclination and attention. I’m right handed but I still use my left arm. Try the 16 questions on pages 144 and 145.

Chapter 10
Friends: Risks and Rewards

Morley holds up the example of Jonathan and David. That is a tremendous example of friendship. The most remarkable member of that team is Jonathan. I suggested that you look at these two guys as an example in the relationship chapter and meditating on the relevant portions of scripture would benefit us all.

I think the fundamental importance of friendships is something that shares a characteristic with something we talked about last week in regard to our children. That thing is our frequent mistakes in the way we value our time. In hindsight we see the value of time spent with our kids doing “nothing” and we also see the value of time spent with our friends in hindsight. I spent a night on the Appalachian Trial with a friend from Raleigh. It seemed like a very difficult thing to pull off at the time. The apparent costs in time off from work and hours away from Raleigh seemed big. I value that trip in hindsight most highly. It was a precious time. Another trip for a white water rafting trip on the Chatooga was grossly undervalued at the time for me. I felt guilty about taking the time off to do that. Pictures from these things are on my desk at work and now I wonder why it seemed difficult at the time.

The process of developing friends is partly complicated by the way we live. When I was first out of school I worked for a landscaping company and we were all Christians. There were only 5 of us. We were a small company. That put us together all day every day because we went to church together and we also tended to hang out together. In fact, don’t tell anyone, but I lived on a “Christian Commune”. Well it wasn’t exactly a commune. We paid rent and everyone there was a Christian. It was more of a very exclusive trailer park. I could show up on the doorstep of some of these folks today and say, “I’m broke and I need a place to stay” and I know they would take me in. This life style made friendships easy and deep. My point is that we know we have an up hill battle so we should plan to work around it.

When you guys contact each other during the week or share a meal or shoot something together – even if you shoot the symbol of the Holy Spirit – it is an important thing. It isn’t just the contact to count in a contest that is over, or a meal, or shooting something but you’ll find that the relationships developed last and are valued in the long term.

Back in my “Jesus Freak” days we would have “Love Feasts”. This was based on a reference in the book of Jude to “Love Feasts”. I remember the pastor at the time was just tired of calling them “pot luck”. He would say, “Pot? Luck? What have they got to do with it? It did stress the importance of a sharing of Agape love in the meal. The focus was not on eating but rather on the fellowship aspects. In addition, the fellowship we are called to is “kononia” in the Greek. Scripture uses it in special ways.

It characterized the early church’s meals together (Acts 2:42). It characterized donations (Rom 15:26; 2 Cor 8:4 & 9:13). It characterizes our relationship with Christ (1 Cor 1:9) and the Holy Spirit (2 Cor 13:14) and the word was used to represent what happens to us in communion (1 Cor 10:16). It is what we shouldn’t try to have in a relationship with non-believers (2 Cor 6:14) except with regard to evangelism (Philem 6) and that we should have with the sufferings of Christ (Phil 3:10). The Apostle John said that he shared the Gospel so that you could have it with the Church and truly with the Father and the Son (1 John 1:3). John said you couldn’t really have it with Him (God) and still walk in darkness (1 John 1:6) but he went on to say that if we walk in the light as He is in the light, then we have koinonia with one another and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin (1 John 1:7).

God calls us to this kind of “fellowship”. We’ve often made it less important in our lives than God intends. We don’t value it as highly as Scripture indicates it should be. The Holy Spirit is what makes koinonia but if we aren’t present then how is it going to happen? If we pass on the opportunities we are presented then how will this develop. We know that we have some cultural barriers to overcome but they are not so high that it can’t happen. We need to value what God values and, in reality, what we’ll value in the long run.