Demand #40 – What God Has Joined Together Let No Man Separate, For Marriage Mirrors God’s Covenant with Us
Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.
—Matt. 19:4-6
Your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is his name.
—Isa. 54:5
These three chapters are certainly difficult to deal with in the climate we live in. Popular culture generally, and often even Church culture, simply doesn’t view marriage as a permanent relationship.
Scripture teaches that marriage is a very special and permanent relationship between a man and a woman. It isn’t viewed as an easy thing but it is viewed as a “till death” thing. In a sacred way, a man and a woman become one flesh in marriage. It mirrors Christ and the Church in spite of our perverse view of marriage in our day. God demands we be faithful in our marriage and view it as a sacred covenant that only ends in the death of a spouse.
Marriage: The Mirror of God’s Covenant with His People
Scripture repeatedly draws the parallel of God’s relationship to us as a picture of marriage. For example, God said, “Your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is his name” (Isa. 54:5). And “In that day, declares the LORD, you will call me ‘My Husband.’ . . . And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the LORD” (Hos. 2:16, 19-20). And “When I passed by you again and saw you, behold, you were at the age for love, and I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness; I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Lord GOD, and you became mine” (Ezek. 16:8). And “Surely, as a treacherous wife leaves her husband, so have you been treacherous to me, O house of Israel, declares the LORD” (Jer. 3:20).
God’s view of marriage and divorce then would be a view that would be consistent with His actions down through history. Marriage then is a way of showing His relationship with His people. So the union of a man and a woman is uniquely suited to teach us about our relationship with God.
God Creates the Union of Each Marriage for His Glory
As Christians who are in submission to Scripture we hear God say that marriage is God’s creation. He says, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matt. 19:6). God, not man, is the decisive creator of the marriage union. Implicit then is the idea that we can’t really separate what God has joined together. It isn’t just your choice. Your union is analogous to God’s covenant with Israel. To divorce is to create a false testimony to God’s faithfulness. It is a lie about God. God never divorced Israel. Israel separated herself from time to time but God always took her back and redeemed her. Read Hosea. In Jeremiah 13:11 God says, “As the loincloth clings to the waist of a man, so I made the whole house of Israel and the whole house of Judah cling to me, declares the LORD, that they might be for me a people, a name, a praise, and a glory.”
But What about Moses’ Permission of Divorce?
This helps us understand the exchange between the Pharisees and Jesus. They had heard what He was teaching and they couldn’t believe He would teach what they heard. So the Pharisees asked “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” (Matt. 19:3). Rather than going to the Law Jesus goes to creation drawing the attention to the design. Jesus says, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matt. 19:4-6). Well that says NO divorce. So the Pharisees think they have Jesus trapped and running contrary to the Law so they ask, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” (Matt. 19:7). Jesus responds, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so” (Matt. 19:8). “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery” (Matt. 19:9).
The Devastation of Divorce
People vary on the way they interpret divorce in the life of a Christian. I’m aware that divorce is a part of life in America and that I’ve not faced divorced because of God’s Grace in my life but I’m going to try to tell you want Scripture says. I think that Piper is likely correct in his interpretation of the whole of Scripture as forbidding divorce for any reason with marriage only ending with the death of a spouse. Piper does a good job of explaining his position and gives references to additional materials. But certainly people do find reasons for divorce and we’ll look at those in a bit.
As Piper points out divorce can be as painful, or more painful, than the death of a spouse and the impact on children is also heartbreaking. We aren’t looking to aggravate wounds. I taught the older singles for 5 years and know that often these wounds take decades to heal in the best of conditions. Sometimes you just weep with those who weep and sometimes people are not ready to deal with what Scripture says. However, eventually we want to know what God says. Ultimately that is what we want to be face to face with.
The Challenge to Love Biblically
Jesus was compassionate in a perfect way but He also was clear on His teaching against divorce and in a way that amazed the Pharisees and even His disciples. We can’t just open up channels for divorce without eroding what marriage means. Jesus’ view of marriage is much higher than that of mankind and unless we are reminded we forget what it means.
Demand #41 – What God Has Joined Together Let No Man Separate, For Whoever Divorces and Marries Another Commits Adultery
Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.
—Mark 10:11-12
Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.
—Luke 16:18
It was also said, “Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.” But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
—Matt. 5:31-32
And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.
—Matt. 19:9
As we’ve seen in other chapters, Jesus specified a moral law that was higher than the Mosaic Law. We thought of the Mosaic Law as hard but Jesus showed that the bar was too low and that the hardness of our hearts even prevented a full explanation of God’s will.
Clues in Moses That Divorce Did Not Destroy God’s Union
The moral law preceded the Mosaic Law and reflected God’s will in creation (Genesis 2:24; Deuteronomy 24:1-4). God’s establishment of a “one-flesh” relationship can’t really be broken by divorce or remarriage.
Consider what Moses wrote:
When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the LORD. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the LORD your God is giving you for an inheritance. (Deut. 24:1-4)
While divorce is assumed in Deuteronomy I think it is obvious that the result is that God is simply dealing with the hardness of the heart. In the way that an eye for an eye was limiting retribution these rules were limiting the sin that would otherwise occur.
It seems to imply that you don’t break a second marriage to restore a first one. Even if the second marriage is disobedient it is still a covenant that shouldn’t be broken.
The Prohibitions Without Exception
Twice in the Gospels Jesus expresses with no exceptions his prohibition of divorce followed by remarriage. In Luke 16:18 he says, “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.” It really appears that Jesus is standing against typical positions held in His day (and clearly in our day) and the Pharisees seem to have understood it that way.
Jesus says that a man who marries an abandoned woman, Jesus says, “commits adultery.” That is a pretty hard saying and even close to home folks tend to reject that verse or try to spin it another way. We don’t really find a right to remarriage following divorce in the teaching of Jesus (Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18; Mark 10:11-12.
Is There a Permission for Divorce in Matthew 5:32?
However, Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 seem to hint at an exception to the rule of no remarriage after divorce. In Matthew 5:32 Jesus says, “Everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” Again in Matthew 19:9 he says, “Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” So what is the nature of this exception?
Jesus is opposed to remarriage because the marriage bond is not breakable and it isn’t the conditions of the divorce that make a difference … to Him. Notice that this verse teaches that if you do divorce a woman on the grounds of sexual immorality then one who marries her commits adultery.
The Exception Clause in Matthew 19:9
Most Christians assume that if one party commits adultery then a divorce is justified. However, God doesn’t treat His relationship with His people in that way so I think we had better be careful and I’m afraid Piper may have it right. Matthew may be making an explicit statement of something that the other writers thought was implied and the absolute prohibitions of the other Gospels might be consistent with this:
See - http://www.desiringgod.org/resourcelibrary/articles/bydate/1986/1488/
Matthew uses the Greek word porneiva (porneia, “sexual immorality”) instead of the word moiceiva (moicheia) which means adultery. Sexual immorality in marriage would be adultery so why didn’t Matthew say adultery? Matthew uses a word that means fornication or sexual immorality without reference to marital unfaithfulness. It seems that Matthew is thinking of an exception other than adultery. Jesus was accused of being born in “porneia” and not adultery (John 8:41).
The Relevance of the Exception Clauses for Joseph’s Betrothal to Mary
In Matthew 1:18-20 Joseph and Mary are referred to as husband and wife while betrothed. When I was reading an email list called “Ask the Rabbi” it was interesting to learn that after betrothal the couple are essentially married but without sexual relations. A man was told to defend his “wife” before his parents sense he was, in a sense, already married to her. In the first century, betrothal was a more significant commitment at that time than engagement is today. In Matthew 1:19 Joseph resolves to “divorce” Mary though they were only betrothed, that he was “just”, and of course she was assumed to be guilty of sexual impurity (but not adultery). Only Matthew has told that story of Joseph’s crisis, Matthew, as a follower of Jesus, would not consider this kind of “divorce” wrong, and it would not have prevented Joseph (or Mary) from marrying another.
Only Matthew told the story, raised this question, and he was the only Gospel writer who would feel a need to make clear that Jesus’ absolute prohibition of divorce followed by remarriage did not include a situation like Joseph and Mary’s.
Now I understand that the “majority report” differs on these points but I think Piper is correct. However, you won’t find any problem getting people to tell you that if your wife commits adultery you can divorce her and in fact we also consider abandonment as a reason for divorce.
As Piper points out, this interpretation of the exception clause has several advantages:
• It does not force Matthew’s Gospel to disagree with the seemingly plain, absolute meaning of Mark and Luke.
• It provides an explanation for why the word porneia is used in Matthew’s exception clause instead of moicheia.
• It squares with Matthew’s own use of porneia (for fornication) in distinction from moicheia (for adultery) in Matthew 15:19.
• It fits Matthew’s wider context concerning Joseph’s contemplated “divorce” from Mary (Matt. 1:19).
The Gospel writers were inspired by the Holy Spirit and that what they wrote in Greek accurately represented what Jesus taught.
Demand #42 – What God Has Joined Together Let No Man Separate – One Man, One Woman, By Grace, Till Death
The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.
—Matt. 19:10-12
If Such Is the Case, Better Not to Marry?
After Jesus finished teaching on marriage and divorce in Matthew 19:3-9, his disciples were stunned by how strict Jesus’ standards were. So they said, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry” (Matt. 19:10).
Jesus said “Not everyone can receive this saying [the saying that marriage is permanent], but only those to whom it is given” (Matt. 19:11). The point is not that some disciples are given the grace and some are not. The point is that this grace (or faithfulness in singleness and marriage) is the mark of a disciple. “Those to whom it is given” are followers of Jesus. God gives the grace for what he demands. (Matthew 19:11 and 13:11, Matthew 19:12 and 13:9, 43; 11:15, and Matthew 19:11 and 19:26)
Eunuchs for the Kingdom
God can give grace for singleness “For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it” (Matt. 19:12). You will not die if you don’t have sex. In fact you won’t even go crazy contrary to the view of popular culture. There is tremendous freedom in being single and if God directs you to live that way then it is a good way to live.
Marriage is a great thing and a picture of God and the Church. It really should get the attention is gets but it is a permanent covenant in the eyes of God. Go read Hosea if you think otherwise.
Are Divorce and Remarriage the Unforgivable Sins?
No thankfully it is not an unforgivable sin. It is often an unrepentant sin in our culture. We commit unforgivable sin when we cleave to a sin so long and so tenaciously that we can no longer confess it as sin and turn from it. What Jesus calls “the blasphemy against the Holy Spirit” (in Matthew 12:31-32) and “eternal sin” (in Mark 3:29) is the resistance against the Holy Spirit’s convicting work to the point where he withdraws, leaving the sinner in helpless hardness of heart, unable to repent.
What Does a Follower of Jesus Do Who Has Divorced and Remarried?
As Piper says, Jesus “would also expect that we not separate from our present spouse.”
1) Jesus seemed to regard multiple marriages as wrong but real. He said to the woman at the well in John 4:18, “You have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband.” She is living with a man now, but there has been no marriage—no covenant-making. The others he calls “husbands,” but the one she is with now is not her husband.
2) Jesus knew that Deuteronomy 24:4 spoke against going back to a first husband after marrying a second. He did not go out of his way to qualify this provision.
3) Covenant-keeping is crucial to Jesus. Therefore, even though the current covenant is adulterous in the making, it is real and should be kept. Its beginning in sin does not have to mean that it is continuously sinful and without hope of purification.
4) There are illustrations of God taking acts of disobedience and turning the result into God-ordained plans. One example is the fact that it was sin for the people of Israel to ask for a king to be like the nations (1 Sam. 12:19-22). Nevertheless, God turned the sinfully instituted kingship into the origin of the Messiah and the kingship of Jesus. Another example would be the sinful marriage of David to Bathsheba. The adultery with her, the murder of her husband, and the marriage “displeased the LORD” (2 Sam. 11:27). So the Lord took the life of the first child of this union (2 Sam. 12:15, 18). But the second child, Solomon, “the LORD loved” and chosehim as ruler over his people (2 Sam. 12:24).
5) Through repentance and forgiveness on the basis of the blood of Jesus and through the sanctifying work of the promised Holy Spirit, a marriage that was entered sinfully can be consecrated to God, purified from sin, and become a means of grace. It remains less than ideal, but it is not a curse. It may become a great blessing.
Marriage: Great and Precious, but Not Ultimate or Permanent
Jesus’ demand for faithfulness to the marriage covenant is radical in our modern culture. Is He Lor or not. His standards are high. They do not assume that this earth is our final home. Marriage is an ordinance for this age only. “For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven” (Matt. 22:30). Marriage is a great but brief blessing that is not an ultimate or permanent covenant. Marriage does not and cannot meet all our needs and singleness is a realistic lifestyle in obedience to Christ. Jesus is for eternity and the marriage supper of the Lamb is the party for which we are preparing ourselves.
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