It is a critical part of living our lives before God that we seek Him first and that our validation come from Him. The Shema Prayer (Deut 6:4) that Stewart mentioned last Sunday is a key part of morning and evening prayers for a Jew. This scripture emphatically places Gods validation and instruction at such a high point in our lives that all other opinions pale in comparison.
Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
(English standard version. 2001. Deuteronomy 6:4-9)
God knows the constant attention that is required to keep us from seeking validation as men from things other than Him. Ask God to keep this principle in the forefront of your mind as you relate to others and live your life before His face.
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Discussion Notes for Chapter 5 – The Battle for a Man’s Heart
Page 78 to 79 – Eldredge dismisses scripture without explanation. Turning the other cheek is a sign of strength. A coward doesn’t turn the other cheek. Bully’s are not the subject of turning the other cheek. Blaine’s soul was not hanging in the balance but Blaine could have had a first lesson in the power of turning the other cheek but probably not from his dad. Inability to turn the other cheek is a result of lack of faith and a lack of courage.
Page 80 to 81 – We do act as if boys are not supposed to act like boys. I think it is odd that we expect boys to behave in a way that is abnormal for boys. Not that boys can’t sit still for a while but a while isn’t for ever.
Page 82 – How can we facilitate the development of courage in the hearts of boys? Sharing stories of courage is one way. Especially those who God has raised to be examples for us.
Page 84 – I have a horse story too. I was once walking back from lunch at NCSU. We had the Southern States Percherons there for Ag Week. They had them off the brickyard as I was walking by. They were the biggest baddest looking horses I’d ever seen. I’m 6’ 2’’ and I couldn’t look over the shoulder. The heads were massive and they looked down at me from 7’ or so. What God struck me with as I walked by was that these horses were useless if they couldn’t learn to wait. Power under control is Godly. God’s power is exquisite in that it can span galaxies and yet He describes Himself as the good shepherd in His care of us. As men our strength is mature when we control it and use it for God’s glory in submission to Him. Don’t be like a horse that has to have a bit in its mouth to turn it one way or the other. Let Him guide you with His eye. (Psalm 32:8-9)
Page 89 – Eldredge describes a real seduction in our lives as men. That is the approval of others. It moves us to do things that God would not have us do. It affects every arena we walk into. Bob Dylan has a line that says “don’t know which is worse, doing your own thing or just being cool.” Seeking validation apart from God is a process that destroys and manipulates.
Page 93 – We must personify women (see them as people) not objectify (see them as objects). I remember seeing ads that simply showed women’s torsos. Pornography too cripples our ability to have a human to human relationship with a woman. Women don’t necessarily raise an objection to being viewed as objects. Our sin natures leads us to a false relationship with the gift God has given men and women.
Page 94 – We can fear our wives for something that God has perfect knowledge in … knowledge of our faults and weaknesses. We should fear God. My wife’s grade of me matters to me because of my love relationship with her but ultimately I get the grade from her as a good or bad reflection of my pursuit of God. I may get a bad grade if I’m not pursuing God; however, I may pursue God with all my heart and still get a bad grade from a wife who doesn’t fear God or who is simply not pursuing God with all her heart. Read about David and Michal’s relationship in the scripture (2 Samuel 6:20-23). Sure David was hurt by Michal but he knew who was grading his performance and didn’t submit to an ungodly evaluation of his behavior. Our wives are our stewardship responsibility but the steward is ultimately judged by the Master of the House (God) and not by the subject of the stewardship; however, there is generally a correlation and particularly in a healthy marriage.
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