I was thinking of how lightly we tend to take pursuit of relationship with our wives. In the pursuit of elk, I have hiked up and down mountains until my quadriceps would no long hold me and I had to back down the mountain to keep from falling. I’ve hiked miles in the desert and trespassed for the chance to catch a bass in a steep hidden canyon. I’ve hiked in the dark though unfamiliar land to be in the right place for a shot at a mule deer. So do I have that same mind in the pursuit of my wife?
Sometimes, maybe even frequently, we do have that sort of pursuit in courtship. So what happens? Are we so shallow that we think we have the trophy and can move on to the next thing? How dim witted to think that because I’ve won the heart of a bride that I’ve won the heart of a woman. The heart of a woman takes winning each day. I was a boy when I won the heart of my bride. Over thirty years later I’m still trying to learn to win her heart every day. It is a tremendous source of joy in the life of a man and yet we are slow to learn. God has given me a wife and I’ve found favor with God (Proverbs 18:22). Now, I need to be a man and learn to love her as Christ loved the Church (Ephesians 5:25).
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Page 180 – As I was reading Eldredge’s brief fairy tale of the princess and the warrior I was reminded of the scene in the movie “The Last of the Mohicans” in which Hawkeye stares smiling at Cora until she smiles. It struck me because months earlier I had been thinking about simply enjoying my wife. So just spent some time looking at her. You should try it with your wife. If you get a, “What is the matter with you? What are you looking at? What? Is there food on my face?” Then congratulations! You have identified a sin in your life and you have been neglecting your wife. However, repenting is actually about as enjoyable as repenting from any sin could be. Can you imagine how lost we would be if Jesus only paid attention to the church once in a blue moon? You are to love your wife as Christ loves the Church. He laid down His life. His thoughts toward each of us are greater in number than the sand. Have you looked at your wife lately and thanked God for what He has done in your life through her?
Page 184 – Actually engaging and communicating when we don’t feel like it requires us to act like men, to step up when called on and act. Withdrawing and shutting down are not the responses God is looking for. It is a fight and it is a fight that in the power of the Holy Spirit we can win.
Page 186 – Complimenting our wives. Well there is a breakthrough. Why is it so hard for us to remember that? Well your flesh and the enemy of your soul would prefer that you forget and act like a little boy instead of a man.
Page 190 – Eldredge reiterates something that we’ve discussed before. We don’t love our wives to get a good grade from our wives. We love them because God has made us to do it. We live as men when we obey Him and love her.
Page 195 – It is remarkable that this needs saying and needs hearing (by me too) but … as Eldredge points out. If you wife wants something reasonable then why would you not do it? I’ve recently been on the hearing end of a guy who won’t try to dance with a wife that wants to dance. It is a reasonable request. It isn’t even a frequency issue. It is a no I won’t issue. Our wives ask us to dance in a number of small ways. Be tenderhearted toward one another and especially toward your wife. When she asks you to dance then dance.
My wife would ask me what I wanted for dinner. I would think up something and then she would tell me what I was having for dinner. She has a remarkable ability to plan meals a week or more in advance. I generally need to shop every day. Well I figured out what was going on and started answering “spaghetti” every time. That way I didn’t need to think about it and then I could keep doing whatever I was doing. Well she figured it out after awhile and what I was doing was wrong. She was asking for a little dance and I wasn’t cooperating. She was doing all the work. She just wanted a little dance. So now if I say “spaghetti” it is a joke and we laugh and a listen and talk about what we are going to eat. Find out how your wife likes to dance and dance with her.
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